is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
