Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
