Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
