you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
