Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
