Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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