Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
