Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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