so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize