you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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