My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
