my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
