How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
