do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
