So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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