you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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