also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize