strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize