dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize