i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
