Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
