Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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