"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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