In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
