9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
