Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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