I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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