really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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