Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
