You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He shit in the fireplace
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
