mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
