im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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