im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
