so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
