Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
