sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
