So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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