I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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