i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
