I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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