We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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