The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
