Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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