a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
