I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
