it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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