They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
