Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
