When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
