we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just had sex bonerless
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
