We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
