Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
