Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize