I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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