Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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