Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
