In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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