It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
