Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
