She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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