i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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