Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize